Love, Loss and Life
by Tez162
Summary: Follows the famous trio after the end of the war. The loss they face, the love they develop and the new lives they are set to lead. Starts the morning after the war ends, loose ends have to be tied but what if more strings unravel...
1. The Morning After

-CHAPTER ONE-

The Morning After

Harry opened his eyes. The light burned them and it took him a second to realise where he was. It had been long time since he had been in the comfort of his own bed at Hogwarts. The light that had blinded him was streaming in from the window nearby. He looked outside. The devastation was unbearable but he could already see Professor McGonagall, (in fact all the other teachers), Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and the other survivors casting numerous spells about the place, attempting to put it back to the way it was.

"It must be noon by now," Harry thought to himself, turning and looking around the room. But no one was there; no other bed looked slept in. As he was lost in his thoughts of where Ron and Hermione were, the events of yesterday dawned on him.

The previous day had been too much to take in and sleeping on it hadn't helped. After sitting on the edge of his bed contemplating his life for quite some time, nothing had become any clearer. So many had lost their lives and he had been so close to being one of them that the thought overwhelmed him. Harry wanted to cry, laugh and vomit all at the same time. He stood up and abruptly started getting dressed. He had made his decision. There was nothing to think about; it was an end of an era and there was no point in dwelling on what had happened. He had won and that was the end of it. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Harry, can I come in?" Hermione asked as she opened the door a fraction.

"Yeah, sure, is Ron with you?" Harry replied a little surprised that he was not alone in the Gryffindor tower. He looked up and gave Hermione a small fleeting smile as she entered which she painfully returned.

"No, he slept in the Great Hall with his mum, comforting them about Fred, you know." Hermione looked a little disappointed. "He went back when we left the office," she sighed. "I didn't really speak to him last night."

"Well, I wouldn't expect any less of him; I put his family through a lot." Harry's voice quavered, each word heavy with all the grief and guilt inside of him.

"Come on, Harry, they would have fought no matter whether you were Ron's friend or not." Hermione's voice was full of anguish; she'd been worried about this. Harry could so easily crack after all he'd been through. The guilt she knew he felt was not his to feel. None of the deaths were his fault, all the hurt, grief and terror rested solely with Voldemort. She squeezed his hand in an attempt to comfort him.

"I guess." mumbled Harry, not really wanting to continue with the subject. He knew what she and everyone else would say _'it wasn't your fault, you shouldn't feel guilty.' _But that wouldn't change what happened or how he felt. Hermione couldn't possibly make him feel any better right now so he made an attempt to change the subject. "Anyway what about you? Where did you stay last night, what did everyone else do?"

"Stayed in the Hall mostly. Some went to different common rooms or went home. Nobody else came in here except you, me and Ginny." Hermione brightened. There was hope for Ginny and Harry yet and just maybe true love could keep Harry from going off the rails. "She came back here with me hoping you were still up, I suspect. We fell asleep in the common room. We were up talking and then just dropped off."

"And is she okay?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Not exactly. She is still down there. I think you two need to talk." Hermione spoke slowly and calmly feeling that she was treading on egg shells.

"But…" Harry was interrupted by Hermione.

"Just do it. I'm going to my old room to give you two some peace. Get Ginny to give me a shout when you are ready to find Ron."

"Thanks, Hermione," he blushed, as she flounced off looking pleased with herself.

Harry waited a few minutes while he made the bed, then he cautiously headed into the common room. He did not know whether he was ready for this, but he had to return to reality somehow and talking to Ginny was as good a start as any. As he reached the last step he lifted his head and there was Ginny, as beautiful as ever. She was sat on the sofa with her back to him and head in her hands. She sounded as if she was muffling a cry. Harry instantly thought of Fred and wondered why she was not with her family. However he was surprised, as Ginny was usually so strong and did not cry easily.

"Ginny?" Harry asked with caution as not to make her jump. He moved round the sofa to where she could see him.

"Oh Harry, it's you…um, how are you?" she mumbled whilst furiously wiping her eyes. Harry took the opportunity and sat next to her.

"I'm okay. All the better for seeing you." He attempted to get a smile from her and failed. "Anyway that's beside the point, are you okay? I know how it feels, losing someone. Losing Fred will be hard to recover from," he said solemnly.

"No, it's not Fred…I'm fine really, it's just, it's, it's just that…I can't…really… I…it's nothing," she stuttered, turning away trying to muffle yet another cry. Harry took her hands and knelt on the floor.

"Ginny, I know there is definitely something. Look at me, you can tell me anything." Harry stared into her eyes; they were wide open, slightly swollen with tears pouring from the corners, yet still they sent his pulse racing. He wanted to kiss her, but this was more important. It was not the right moment.

She sighed. "Harry, it's just you saved everyone, you were willing to die for us; I could have never seen you again." Harry didn't understand, was she crying over him?

"Yeah and I would do it again if I had to. Do you think I liked the prospect of not seeing you again?"

"But you didn't say good bye! I am lucky to be able to have known you let alone be talking to you now. But everything will change; now you're this big hero." Ginny knew it was selfish. She should be with her family grieving for Fred but all she could think about was Harry. The pain she felt when Fred died was nothing compared with the emotions that overcame her when she saw Harry lying in Hagrid's arms.

"I didn't say goodbye because I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you. I couldn't speak to you, Ron or Hermione. I didn't want to hurt you and as for being a hero, I don't want to be one. That wasn't why I did what I did. Even so I don't see how that upsets you."

"You don't get it. You were about to die, and at that time you thought you weren't coming back, yet you didn't want to say good bye to me. I thought I was spe-…I thought you l-…"

There was a slight pause. Ginny broke the silence. "What does it matter? You lived; you have your whole life ahead of you. You will be so famous, you can do anything you want to, be anyone." Ginny let out another sob and stared into her lap then said under her breath so Harry could not hear "and be with anyone."

"I still don't understand. I wanted to speak to you; I really did. It's just that, if I had spoke to you I don't think I could of gone through with it. I didn't want to think about what was about to happen. I just had to think about why I was doing it. So you see, I couldn't speak to any of you," Harry said slightly bemused. Ginny stopped crying and stared at him.

"I thought I was different," she mumbled. Harry couldn't quite make it out. "Don't you realise you could have any girl you want? You are not just the Boy Who Lived, but the boy who came back from the dead and killed You-Know-Who! What would someone like that want to do with me?" Ginny gave a hysterical laugh that soon turned to a sob as she once again turned away. Harry smiled placing his finger underneath her chin and turning her face toward his. Ginny knew all of what she had said had been childish. There were much worse problems in her life than Harry possibly not wanting to be with her anymore, but concentrating her energy on a minor issue stopped her being crushed under the mountain of more painful ones.

"They would want everything to do with you," Harry said, realising this was the right moment. He leant in placing his lips softly on hers. She kissed him back rather more passionately than he had expected, but he wasn't complaining. Harry somehow knew that he was serving as a distraction for Ginny from the real issues, but he also knew they would need each other to get through the real issues.

Eventually they broke apart. Harry had no sense of time. His mind was far too occupied to worry about how long they had been there. Ginny looked into his eyes. She was now sat in his lap after a lot of shifting around during their kiss.

"And you're sure this is what you want." Ginny smiled.

"Definitely. You know I spent a whole year away from you and there was not one moment I wasn't thinking about you," Harry beamed back at her. Though the words were unsaid Harry could tell by her reaction that she had felt the same way about him.

The couple sat silently, purely enjoying each other's presence and company. They understood each other perfectly. Harry was overjoyed. Finally things were going their way, even though Ginny had thought otherwise. He still couldn't believe she had thought like that; she should know him better. However, he realised that even though Ginny's and his love life was worked out, there was another couple in need of help.

"Ginny, as much as I would love to not move an inch away from you for the rest of today, could you possibly go and find Hermione while I go find Ron, then meet us in the Great Hall in about fifteen minutes? I think they need some help."

"Agreed," Ginny said laughing. "But they're your best mates. Hermione is like a sister to you. I mean, don't you feel a little awkward? I know I do, my brother and my best friend," Ginny shuddered then laughed.

"I do, but I can't stand another year of them two flirting round each other and getting nowhere. Besides, they practically snogged the face off each other yesterday."

"They didn't! Yuck! Hermione never told me!" Ginny protested looking gob smacked. "Did she make the first move? Ron wouldn't have. Maybe if we leave them they will sort it themselves." Ginny continued.

"You're right there. Hermione flung herself at him when he said something about saving the house-elves. Oh the irony!" Harry laughed at his sarcasm. "By the way don't tell Hermione that I told you," he added.

"Well, you weren't exactly tactful, but I won't, don't worry. And since when has Ron cared about house-elves… oh well, I'll go get Hermione." She stood up and kissed him lightly on the cheek and skipped off towards the girls' dormitories feeling lighter than she had done in years. "I can't wait to watch them squirm," she smirked disappearing up the stairs. Harry grinned then got up himself and left to find Ron. He had a feeling he wouldn't still be in the Great Hall.

Harry was right as only half way to the Great Hall he bumped into Ron who evidently was going to look for him in the Gryffindor tower.

"Hi, you all right, mate? I was looking for you," Ron called to him running up the stairs before they changed.

"Yeah, I'm more than all right, though yesterday still hasn't sunk in," Harry replied, as they both turned and headed back down.

"Oh right. Where are you heading? Have you seen Ginny and Hermione?" Ron went slightly red at Hermione's name and Harry at Ginny's.

"Err yea, I have. I was heading to the Great Hall to find you. They are meeting us there. Listen, there is something I need to tell you on the way."

"I think I already gathered. I saw you grinning to yourself on the way up. It had to be Ginny. She is the only one who could put you in this good a mood today. It was only a matter of time anyway." Ron smirked.

"Ron, you are all right about it, aren't you? I mean I am not putting her in danger anymore and I promise I won't muck her about."

"Yeah, I know. I can't stop you but it's still awkward. Oh and by the way, you might want to wipe the lipstick smudge off your mouth and cheek before anyone else sees," Ron smirked.

"She didn't! I am going to kill her." Harry couldn't help but laugh. Today was a brighter day.

As they turned into the Great Hall still deep in conversation about how the rest of the Weasleys were doing, Narcissa Malfoy came flying towards him. As she reached him it was clear to see that she was not quite sure what she wanted to say. She opened and closed her mouth twice before settling on, "Thank you. Thank you, Harry, for saving my son. Thank you for killing the Dark Lord for he surely would have slaughtered my family. I don't think you will believe me but I never truly supported him. I just didn't want to be killed and Draco was so young first time round." her tone was hard to judge. It was somewhere between her usual haughtiness and true gratitude. She was fighting to remain dignified, though her words were failing her. At the time Narcissa had told herself she only had lied about Harry living, due to the fact she needed to find her son, but seeing him now made her realise she really had lost all loyalty to the Dark Lord. Her pureblood pride, however, remained very much in tact as she looked down her nose at Harry and Ron.

"I can, surprisingly, believe you, though I cannot say the same for your husband. However I will not bad mouth him to you. As for saving your son, I cannot claim any heroics in that; I do not even claim to like Draco. I simply saved him because I could not watch him die. Like you, I don't believe he truly chose the dark side. He just simply followed in his parents' footsteps," Harry replied quite frankly.

Narcissa looked severely shocked. She stared at him before saying, "Why then have you not turned us in yet and sent us off to Azkaban?" she looked distressed and Harry knew the answer to this instantly.

"You did not flee, therefore there was no reason to capture you and I believe you needed some family time before you do get sent to Azkaban, which you will. Yet, perhaps the Ministry will feel a little more kindly toward those who helped our side, however selfish their reasons were. But you never can tell." Harry eyed her suspiciously; he could not tell if she was being truthful with him or looking for an escape route from Azkaban.

Draco and Lucius at that moment walked briskly towards them. Lucius looked highly uncomfortable and Draco was rather embarrassed. Harry could not bear to be around them. He was too cheery to let them bring him down.

He simply said, "Your wife has given me all the thanks I need; there is no need to put yourself out. Enjoy the limited time you have as a family." The whole family looked very pale and stunned. Harry smirked as he turned away; he couldn't help but look back and add, "See you in a few years maybe, Draco, if you're lucky." Harry then walked off briskly, leaving the Malfoys dumb struck. Ron quickly caught up with him, also struck dumb as if he couldn't believe what he'd heard. Harry was not pleased with himself but the Malfoys were the last people he wanted to see. His rudeness and frankness was due to frustration more than anything, Harry wasn't himself today.

He and Ron went in to the Great Hall. It was practically deserted though the bodies of those who lost their life remained affectionately laid at the front on the stage. He turned to Ron who was shaking his head in disbelief. "What?" Harry asked. Ron laughed.

"You, after all of what happened yesterday, you have such a cool head and are actually really happy. Then you just go and tell the Malfoys where to go! I don't get it."

"Ron, saying I am happy is going a bit far, don't you think? Yesterday over fifty people died, good and bad alike. I thought I was going to lose my own life when I walked into the woods. I just can't think about it. The simple reason Ginny, you and I have been able to laugh this morning is not happiness but ignorance of the truth. The thing is none of us have taken any of it in. If I do think about it I want to throw up!" Harry blurted out.

"Okay, okay, calm down, mate, easy does it. I know you're right. We are all in a daze. 'Specially Mum and George - they wouldn't go near Fred's body this morning." Ron said quietly, a bit embarrassed how untactful he had been. "I'm sorry it's just that it is still too fresh, you know. I can't bear to talk about it."

Harry heard a clattering of feet behind him as Ginny and Hermione ran towards the boys. Both smiled but slowed to a walk and grimaced at the sight of the bodies. Ginny spoke first.

"Hi, um are you two hungry? I'm starving, though I suppose it will have to be brunch."

After Harry told Ginny that Ron knew about them and they all had deliberated over how they were going to get any food (since most of the inhabitancy of the castle had been served three hours ago), Kreacher appeared.

"Master Harry, I come to offer you breakfast. I saved you lots. Shall I bring it to you? And can I just add how all us elves were overjoyed at your triumph!" For a second Harry was lost for words, for not only Kreacher's appearance and thanks, but the thought of food had him momentarily stunned. A small smile flickered across his face; it was good to see another familiar face alive. Harry noticed a similar feeling wash over Ron and Hermione as they both caught his eye, Ginny however looked a little perplexed. Harry looked at her trying to convey that he would explain later, then turned back to Kreacher. The way he now acted towards Harry reminded him of another elf but Harry could not bear to think about that now. So stumbling over his words slightly he answered the eager elf.

"Err, yes, yes, please do. Thank you for remembering us."

"Forget _you, _Master Harry? _Never. _And your friends are quite heroes in their own right."

Ron and Hermione went very red at this but in no time they were eating and talking at the far end of the Gryffindor table. Ginny and Harry sat on one side. Their legs entwined under the table whilst Ron and Hermione sat on the other side, blushing every time they brushed against each other when reaching for more food.

Ginny whispered to Harry as they left the Hall, "This is fun. I didn't think they would be this bad. I thought one of them might've said or done something. No one would know they were snogging just yesterday." She gestured towards Ron and Hermione who were walking in front together, but far apart and in silence. Harry laughed as she took his hand and led him out into the grounds where all of the survivors were working to rebuild Hogwarts. He smiled watching them pull together using the best of their ability as they had done in the fight. He let the thoughts of yesterday enter his head again for just a moment, but banished them once more. He would go mad repeating the events of this year; the future was all he needed to concentrate on. Suddenly there was an explosion that woke Harry from his thought. He immediately assumed the worst. But no, it was applause! Harry slightly bemused was surrounded yet again by all those who had supported him that year.

"Harry, Harry, oh dear, dear me. How are you today? I was worried when you didn't come back. Oh you are so brave: the hero of a generation!" It was Mrs. Weasley who had got to him first. She then changed her tone slightly "Ginny dear, oh, holding hands together. Harry, you - I didn't know." Mrs. Weasley stuttered not knowing whether she was pleased. She didn't want Ginny, her only daughter, taken from her, but then Harry was like part of the family anyway and no longer in danger.

"How wonderful." Mrs. Weasley beamed at them at last. Harry and Ginny went slightly red and Harry began to get his hand shook and back patted by so many people he lost count. They were all looking up to him and hailed him as a hero. Harry could not get a word in edge ways. He just couldn't take the praise. He screamed, "LISTEN!"

Everyone took a step back and stared at him, then yet again it was Molly Weasley who spoke. "Harry, dear, what ever is the matter? You won, you are a hero; enjoy it. You deserve a break."

Harry looked at her, she gazed at him lovingly. He squeezed Ginny's hand. She knew what he was about to say and do. Reluctantly, she nodded and let him go. Harry struggled to the front of the crowd so instead of being in the middle he was now outside facing them all.

"That's just it! I am no hero nor do I want to be. Please, just let me speak," Harry said as Mrs. Weasley opened her mouth to interrupt him. "I haven't had a normal childhood or a normal school life. I have had Voldemort after me for seven years. Can you think how it feels to have killed him? You don't know what I know and believe me you don't want to. I can't handle it. I want to explode under the pressure even though it's all over." Harry took a short sharp breath. "I can't take in the fact that the war is over, no more fighting for survival; I can't comprehend it. You all look at me as if I have done something incredible. But I didn't, I did what I had to do. I didn't want to walk in to that forest to be killed but I had to. You all would have done the same." Harry's eyes were stinging. He could not continue. Ron and Hermione knew that he was thinking about Sirius, Dumbledore, Lupin and his parents. They ran towards him and both put their arms round him.

"Come on, mate, you don't need this," Ron whispered but Harry shook his head.

Hermione glared at Ron; he should understand the pressure Harry was under. Then she looked into Harry's eyes and seemed to change her mind. "You don't have to do this now, leave it, wait until your feeling stronger. We'll tell them to back off, I know you are hurting," she said weakly. Harry rolled his eyes they all knew he had to finish.

Harry stood up properly again, took a deep breath and stared at his audience. "Many people very close to me have lost their lives fighting and the fact that some of them were doing it to save me is unbearable. Those who lost their lives should be named heroes. Those who are standing beside me now should be named heroes. They stood by me and risked there lives repeatedly from the age of 11; the best friends anyone could ask for. Finally, all you people in front of me. You all risked your lives too, a lot of you twice before I was even known as the Boy Who Lived. You are heroes, not me. I was given this title, I was chosen by Lord Voldemort, I could not choose, I was helped and survived on luck time and time again. Don't praise me; I cannot take it. Not now. I am no hero," Harry sighed.


	2. Funerals for Friends and Foes

-CHAPTER TWO-

Funerals for Friends, Foes and Mortal Enemies

It was two days after Harry's outburst and still everyone was tip-toeing round him. The word hero had not been used since. The funeral for the deceased was today. Harry had been volunteered to give a speech at the end. Harry was not keen on this idea and said that if he should then so should Ron and Hermione because they were always by his side. This, of course, had put Ron in fantastic mood today, for not only was it his dead brother's funeral but he had to make a speech (not Ron's strong point). The funeral was to be split into three sections: one for those who died heroes, which would include Ron's speech, one for those who died for the dark side, which would be Hermione's speech, and one for Snape and Voldemort; two very different but significant deaths. This is where Harry was to speak. Harry didn't need or want to prepare a speech; he knew what he wanted to say. Hermione however was going crazy and had binned the first five attempts at her own speech whilst trying to calm Ron and help him with his. They were still very embarrassed around each other but had gone back to flirting and had not mentioned the kiss once. It didn't matter though, the funeral was so overbearing anything else didn't cross anyone's mind.

Harry saw Ron walking towards him. He was sitting in the stand of the Quidditch pitch reminiscing. "I've been looking everywhere for you. You better go get changed, funeral starts in an hour ." Ron called to him. Harry was dreading it. Although the teachers, the Order, the Weasleys, Hermione and he had stayed in the castle, everyone else had left, so now every wizard and witch attending the funeral knew a version of what they thought happened. He wasn't going to get a moment's peace from the second people started to arrive.

"I know, just give ten more minutes though, yeah? Sit down, will you?" Harry gestured to the space next to him. Ron hesitated then took a seat. Harry stared over the pitch, misty eyed. "Ron, what's happening between you and Hermione?"

Ron looked sheepish, and then said, "What do you mean?"

Harry glared at him. "You _know_ what I mean, Ron," he said.

Ron blushed and his ears turned scarlet. He stayed silent.

Harry rolled his eyes and continued. "You kissed Hermione and you haven't mentioned it since. What's going on with you two?"

Ron's cheeks flooded and seemed to turn an even darker shade of red, if that was at all possible. Ron mumbled something he did not hear. Harry gave him a quizzical look, then Ron said slightly louder, "I don't know."

Harry shook his head. "You've fancied her since fourth year, maybe even before then! So then you snog her, but you don't do anything about it! Why are you being so…so," he shook his head looking to the floor with his elbows on his knees and head in his hands, "immature?" Harry finished looking to Ron again.

Ron sighed and managed to look Harry straight in the eye. He looked a bit hurt. "I don't know what to do. I like her. I mean I really like her. I have not stopped thinking about that kiss." Ron turned to stare into the distantly out at the pitch. Harry laughed and Ron continued solemnly. "But...but what if…" he trailed off into silence. He started up again, "but what if she doesn't like me back? I mean, was it just the spur of the moment? Come on, we were in the middle of a battle and, well…" he broke away.

Harry looked surprised. "Ron, you complete idiot! Anyone can see it! Why would she have been so jealous of Lavender last year? This is Hermione we're talking about! She's the most sensible person we know! She won't kiss just anyone." Ron went very pale and looked completely aghast. He stared at Harry with glazed eyes, Harry could practically see his thought process as he took this new information in . Harry didn't think Ron looked completely convinced. "It's the truth, mate." He grinned.

Ron looked away, open mouthed. "What have I done?"

As Harry and Ron left the Quidditch pitch, Harry could not suppress a grin. "Ron is so oblivious," he thought. They chatted for a while as they drew nearer to Gryffindor tower. They entered the common room after exchanging a nod with the fat lady. As they stepped in, the sound of girls chatting was heard. Hermione sat in a large armchair, facing someone in the other armchair. She looked up as the boys came in then looked back at the person opposite and nodded. A head reared out from the back of the armchair. Ginny smiled. "Hi, Harry." Then she nodded. "Ron".

"I'm going to go get changed," Ron muttered as he spun around and made for the stairs.

"Yeah, same here. Speak to you later, Harry," Hermione said quickly, and ran up the stairs opposite where Ron had just gone.

Harry turned to face Ginny. "Hi," he said simply.

Ginny chewed her lip; there was an hour till the funeral and a lot she had to say. "Hi." She gestured towards the armchair "Sit."

Harry obediently sat into the armchair and dragged it closer to Ginny. This effort was a little wasted, due to Ginny's shuffling across from her chair into his lap as soon as he had settled down. They sat quietly for a while just enjoying the peace of being with each other. Then Harry spoke.

"We really shouldn't be here. I've got to get ready for the funeral." He sighed regretfully before adding, "It was nice of your dad to fetch our trunks for us."

Ginny went very pale and groaned a little; a few small tears fell from the corner of her eye. "I've been dreading this! I mean, so many people have died and so many are coming today. I won't get a moment with you and I need you more than anybody. I know it's selfish but today is confirming that Fred is dead. I should be with my family but they just make me feel worse." More tears spilled from her eyes. Harry held her tight trying to hold in his own tears. She was right. Today was confirmation day for all that had happened and that it was all over. Harry knew nobody had taken it in still. People were having regular mood swings and they would laugh, cry, and be silent and talkative all in the space of five minutes. Harry stared at the ceiling.

"Ginny, I would give anything to bring the people who died back. But no one can make it happen. I am so sorry. Please don't cry. I need you. I need you to be strong for me." Harry was chocking on his own tears. Ginny began to get up. She stared into his vibrant green eyes and that second they knew everything the other was thinking and feeling.

"I know, I don't want to make this any harder for you," Ginny sighed heavily. "I love you." Then she disappeared up the stairs where Hermione had gone.

Harry was aghast. Had she just said what he thought she had! Harry's emotions began to well up inside him. It was all too much. He leapt up and went to punch the wall out of desperation, not because what she said had upset him but that she said it, despite of everything else going on. "What I would give to make her happy," he thought.

Deciding that punching the wall was not a good idea, Harry ran up the stairs to his room and collapsed on his bed punching his pillow, completely forgetting Ron was there.

"Err, Harry? Are you okay?" Ron asked looking very concerned, standing half dressed in his new robes for the funeral.

Harry shot him a dirty look and growled, "Does it bloody well look like I am okay!" He stormed over to the window and stood silent with his back to Ron for quite some time whilst he calmed down. When Harry turned around Ron was still standing in the same spot, in the same state of dress as he was before and staring at him. Harry began, "Sorry, but I'm angry but to be honest I don't know what at. Life I suppose! And do you know what put me in this mood? Your sister telling me she loved me! She loves me and I love her! How insane am I? I'm angry because I'm in love! I'm in love," this last statement was made in a whisper as if confirming it to himself.

A single tear trickled down Harry's cheeks. Ron looked like a ghost. He sat down with his shirt half buttoned, trousers undone and one sock on. Harry laughed. He couldn't help it. Ron stared whilst Harry was reduced to crying through laughter, until the laughter turned to sobs. "Look at me, look at us! We are eighteen." This was not strictly true but he continued, "We shouldn't have to deal with this! Most people don't go through what I have in the last seven years in their whole life. Ron, I need some fun in my life. I need some good things to happen to me. But every time I get that, my sub-conscience is waiting for disaster and it always will. I am damaged goods, mate, so no I'm not okay and not you, not Ginny or Hermione…nobody can help. I just have to face it, I can't pretend that I am okay; I can't be the brave hero anymore. My head is programmed to be prepared for war but there is nothing left to fight. Can you understand?" Harry gritted his teeth and sank onto the edge of his bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands.

"Harry, I do understand. We have been with you for the past seven years. Ginny has loved you since you first stepped foot inside the Burrow. You are as much a son to my mum as I am. Harry, I don't disagree you are damaged and yeah you will never be normal," Ron laughed nervously. "But, Harry, don't think you are alone. We have been there. You never worried about your own life, just about others, but we worried for you and we are still worried about you. You try being the one watching your best friend beat himself up and risk his own life; you would never let anyone go through what you had to. Yet we had no choice however much we tried to help!" He shifted from one foot to the other and back. Harry bit down hard on this thumb nail. "Any wizard anywhere that has had anything to do with Voldemort or Death Eaters will always be messed up. I know your troubles don't even compare but, mate, don't lock your self up and throw away the key. Let us in, we can help."

When Ron finished his speech there was a moment of silence as if both of them couldn't believe what he had just said. They both gazed at each other for a moment, both of them seeing equally blood shot tired weeping eyes.

"Ron, you are one hell of a mate." Harry smiled slightly and the spell was broken. The boys acted as if nothing had happened yet they both knew they had a bond, a friendship that could never be broken.

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The preparations for the funeral were finished. The grounds on the opposite side of the school to the lake were used as not to detract from Dumbledore's funeral. The stacks of coffins were immense and that was just from the Hogwarts battle alone . This was not an official funeral for any individual but a tribute to the victims of Voldemort as a whole. It was also the marking of the end of an era, giving every wizard and witch a new fear free beginning. The Weasleys, Hermione and Harry gathered in the Gryffindor common room. All looked pale and tearful.

"Okay, are you all ready? Hagrid and Minerva…sorry, Professor McGonagall, have finished off arrangements and people are starting to arrive." Mr. Weasley spoke to them all. They were all unhappy to hear this news. As Bill and Fleur went to make the first move towards the door, Molly Weasley spoke.

"First, there is just one thing we need to sort out. Where do we go from here? Harry and Hermione, you know you are more than welcome back at the Burrow and Bill, Charlie and Percy, you too." Mrs. Weasley looked round at them all, hopefully. All her children together. That included Harry and Hermione. Why couldn't Fred be there? She blinked back a tear.

Harry smiled. "Where else are we going to go?" Hermione nodded in agreement. Molly smiled happily then turned to the others.

"I think we'll go home, Mum," Bill sighed. He knew it would upset her. "We need some time alone. Get some peace, finally." He smiled and brought Fleur into a loving hug, kissing her lightly on the cheek. She nodded in agreement with his notion.

Charlie looked undecided. Eventually he said, "I'll come, but only for a week or so. I have to get back to work at some point and the longer I leave it the harder it will be." His mother's eyes lit up with delight.

Finally Percy spoke. "I'll come for a week or two if you are sure I'm welcome." Molly squeezed Arthur's arm. They weren't all leaving her. She had a houseful to keep her mind on things.

"Okay then let's get this over with," she said.

They reached the place of the funeral. The four teens, no, adults now, were walking hand in hand to face all those in attendance. Hermione squeezed Ron and Harry's hands so hard it was beginning to hurt but Harry didn't care, she was conveying all of the feeling he was trying so hard not to. Ginny, on Harry's other side, also held tight but not for the same reasons as Hermione. She held on lovingly, trying to be strong, trying to let him know it would all be okay. Harry stared at all the witches and wizards gathered, the whole of the Ministry, all the survivors from the battle, teachers, the Order, the D.A, hundreds of them; he could not recognise all of them, though Harry knew that they were key people in the battle or families of those who were. Professor McGonagall, Minister Shacklebolt and Hagrid came over to them. Hagrid smiled grimly, tears flooding his beard. "No one is to talk to you three till after the funeral and you can leave as soon as you like though the papers will want quotes, but then again most people want a piece of you," McGonagall laughed emptily.

"Yes, but I would quite like a word with you three before you leave, if you please," Kingsley added.

Harry, Ron and Hermione nodded. Harry then spoke, "Okay, I want this over quickly so let's get started." At this all the others around him sighed or nodded grimly before taking their seats. Harry softly whispered to Ginny, "I love you too, always will," before releasing her hand and heading to the stage. Ginny shed a single tear as she sat down between Charlie and George.

Ron stood up first, he was strong and mature as he took centre stage. He stood behind a small oak podium that just reached his rib cage, on which he rested his speech. The stage was semi circular and about two foot off the ground also made of oak. The Death Eater's black coffins were in small stacks behind the stage whilst the victims, the good soldiers of the war lay to either side of the stage. Each lay individually with a nameplate and flowers placed lovingly by friends and relatives when they had arrived. Riddle and Snape's coffins were positioned at either side of the back edge of the stage.

" The good side, what is that? The good side are the people who decided not to join Lord Voldemort, those who made a stand. That is not just the brave who fought but also those who ran and hid because that on its' own shows they didn't want to conform, to be one of his Death Eaters. Then we have to think about all the innocent victims all those who didn't stand a chance, those who got in the way and those that didn't fit in his grand plans. Think about all those poor muggles, all those who were an inconvenience and all those in the wrong place at the wrong time. Where do we start when talking about the good side or at least the innocent side?" Ron took a small pause checking he had kept his audience and preparing him self for the emotional part of the speech.

" I begin with the first man that was believed to die at Voldemort's hand, by his wand: Mr Tom Riddle senior. This muggle definately wasn't shown the good side of the wizarding world first he was tricked using love potion into marring a young witch, Voldemort's mother, then was killed by his own son. This was the first of a long list of deaths caused by lord Voldemort in his first reign, all of which shall forever be remembered and honoured. Two very special people were included in this list: James and Lily Potter. Parents of the 'boy who lived', the brave couple who laid down their lives for their son, they were the last of those who died first time round. The list from here on is a lot closer to home for a lot of us sitting here. From Cedric Diggory a wrong place at the wrong time victim to Sirius black, Albus Dumbledore, Mad-eye Moody, Ted Tonks, Dobby the free elf, my brother Fred, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks and even young Colin Creevy. None of these deaths is any more important than any other and just because I haven't mentioned the entire deceased doesn't mean they don't all matter. These are just my list of the deaths that hurt most." Ron took another deep breath holding back the tears. Harry was sitting on a large chair behind the podium amazed at Ron's emotion and strength to continue.

"But today isn't about my grief or any body else's today is about honouring all those who fought Voldemort, remembering and commemorating those who lost there lives and consoling all those injured and tortured during the battle. Every good persons life, health and sanity is worth the same as any others. Today we celebrate our victory and all the people who helped make it happen." Ron ended his speech here, his voice had been clear, calm and warm throughout but he wasn't sure he could hold himself together much longer.

He had the whole audience in tears; the emotion of the speech was so great. Hermione's lap was flooding and Harry felt a few large tears roll down his own face. It wasn't just the speech that had him choked but that Ron had made it, his maturity, emotional strength and compassion were clear to all, he had truly become a man. As Ron turned from his audience, Harry noticed his watery eyes and that his hands were shaking. Ron took his seat on the other side of Hermione's and let out a whimper, Harry gave him praising yet understanding nod as Hermione managed to get the strength to mutter, "I take it back, you do not have the emotional range of a teaspoon." Ron gazed at her bemused then gave a small smile and took her hand, grasping it tightly within his own.

Kingsley read the list of memorials after Ron's speech whilst everyone got fresh tissues and prepared them selves for the next oration. From the stage Harry could see Mrs Weasley sobbing into her husbands arms and Ginny under George's arm with a steely expression managing to hold herself together, just. They caught each others eye and Harry was overcome by a strong desire to be there, sitting next to her, comforting her, holding her. Kingsley had finished his register of all those departed and was telling those in attendance about the plans for a memorial wall inside Hogwarts when it gets rebuilt naming and honouring all the lost lives. Hermione now stood quivering, it was time to make her speech.

Hermione inhaled deeply through her nose, closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Her knees could barely hold her up as she shakily walked to the podium. Hermione had her speech memorised and cue cards in her hand but suddenly it felt like they meant nothing. There was no way she could follow Ron's amazing speech and no amount of preparation could have prepared her for the tears leaking down her face and the faces of the hundreds in front of her.

" How can I follow that speech… how can I follow the names of our lost heroes f, f ff, for they are truly what today is all about." Hermione's voice broke at this point. She was unable to continue for an instant, as tears blurred her vision. Ron's body tensed as he watched her, Harry knew he wanted to help her but this was Hermione's moment.

" Death Eaters…what more is there to say? These people brought death…and destruction to our homes and loved ones. They, they, they got joy from torturing us and bowed down pathetically to a leader they were terrified of. At least…at least death caught up with some of them." Hermione's voice kept wobbling and she had given up on the speech she had prepared for now it didn't even seem relevant. "Some of Voldemort's followers were c, c, cc, cowards that couldn't face the idea, _hic_, of death, some were traitors…giving information, _hic_, in exchange for their lives and some were just _**evil**_vindictive people, _hic_, that truly b, believed in Voldemort's cause." Hermione was really struggling now she was hiccupping, crying and shaking all over. Her vision was blurred and her voice was very high, she couldn't get a whole sentence out.

Ron couldn't take it; he couldn't just watch her struggle. He had to help her. Harry watched as Ron rushed over to her catching her in his arms for she was shaking so much she could barely hold herself upright. Hermione clang to him tightly as she gradually managed to find the strength to finish her speech. She pulled away from Ron, after a break of about two minutes, though she still held his hand tightly. Hermione looked back at her audience and rounded of her speech by saying: "Death Eaters should be remembered, remembered for what they were and what they did. They played a huge part in this war, but now its over and so are their lives. No honour or respect is to be given to them but an image of the worst kind of witch or wizard to be burned in our memories. All that's left is to thank them for opening our eyes to who we are, what we have, what we can do and the strength of the good side of the wizarding world. Though I think that we all agree there is definitely better ways of finding those things out."

Suddenly it was Harry's turn. He stood, the audience silenced, Ron held Hermione tightly and Ginny smiled at him weakly from the crowd. Harry didn't intend to speak for long. He sighed and began, "what do you want me to say? I know a lot of you will be looking for the heroic story of how I defeated Lord Voldemort and answers to why Severus Snape is not in a black coffin piled in with all the other death eaters but this is a funeral not an interview. All I am going to say is in short Tom Riddle was an evil, vindictive, idiotic, coward. I survived him on chance. He was a powerful wizard but he made many mistakes. Mistakes I am grateful for, as they enabled me to take his life before he could destroy any more." Harry sighed surveying the crowd. Adoration, wonder, sadness and loss filled the faces that stared up at him, a tear slid silently down his cheek, past the corner of his mouth to his jaw, where it fell, softly, onto the collar of his black shirt.

Harry swallowed and allowed himself to speak a little longer. "You have to stop looking at me like I'm a hero. I'm not. Its because of me so many great wizards and witches lost their lives. I don't deserve to still be here, it should have been all of your loved ones still here. But I will let you know of one true hero that died in battle." here Harry paused for effect. " Severus Snape was one of the bravest men I ever met. He may not have been the nicest of men but it is because of him, I and all of you are still here now. You see, Snape loved my mum, always had, always would. This meant that from the moment Voldemort threatened my family he was once again on the good side and he became Dumbledore's man. He fought from the inside to protect and help me. He is an amazing man."

Harry looked at his shocked audience and felt he needed to wrap his speech up. He had no idea what on earth to say, however. Then he looked at Ginny. " That all said I now want to share some news with you that I found out today that has no relevance to Snape but is more about moving forward. I want to tell you that I have fallen in love. I love Ginny Weasley more than she'll ever know." He looked straight into her eyes as he said this and she finally couldn't hold it together any more she hugged herself tight and for the first time properly cried. Harry felt guilt wash over him again but he also knew she needed to let it out. The rest of the audience again looked at him shocked but they were also happy, pleased and confused. He explained his announcement by adding "I strongly believe that if I can find love on a day like today then anyone can. It has made me realise there is hope and we can move on, there can be love where there was loss and we can have good lives from now on. It'll be hard but we can do it, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all this heartache first and I wish I could help but all I know is that there is hope," Finally it was all over. Harry would be back at the Burrow in no time, just a few people to talk to, and then he could relax and calm down over the summer.

AN : what do you think? I know a plot hasn't really started developing yet but it will begin next chapter promise. Please review! I need constructive criticism, I know my writing isn't amazing but some encouragement would be nice if you don't mind : D. Also what Kingsley said will be included in next chapter. I meant to put it in here but I felt the chapter had finished itself.


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